Obsessions…

Posted on August 18, 2008
Filed Under Awareness, Journal | Leave a Comment

Obsessions are a funny thing aren’t they? They can come upon us in an instant, or they can build up slowly across an entire lifetime. Obsessions take all forms and manners as well. Not only are obsessions about the things we like to do, but they also entail the way we think. I am not really talking about specific obsessive thoughts, like obsessing over that elusive lost love…rather I am talking about an obsessive style of thinking. Some may say that it is all just done to personality; some people are self-serving, others are self-subserviant, others still are encased in perteptual negativity or paranoia. Is laziness a personality trait or an obsession?

I put it out there that any element of our personality which we dredge up again and again - traits which serve no real purpose such as bitterness, negativity, angst, perpetual hostility, are in fact obsessive patterns. Maybe we get addicted to the particular brain chemical a set thought process releases, or maybe a part of us finds such thought patterns comforting if only because they give us something to latch on to and help form our identity.

Where then do we draw a line between an attitude being an element of our personality as opposed to being an obsession? Well it seems to me, that obsessions are always very defensive - they get aggravated when they are pointed out, they have a need to justify and explain themselves. Where as conversly, personality elements simply trundle along and are what they are, be they of a positive of negative bent tends to be immatarial to the true personality element - it exists in and of itself.

I see this in myself a lot. Obsessive thoughts, beliefs or attitudes are always carried right out on display, or they loop over and over within the mind. They look for any event or excuse in order to jump right back out again - often creating quite a display for those people around us. Obsessions like to be experienced - and will always choose a course of action or take a particular perspective which will allow for this.

Personality traits are different. These are the places where perhaps we feel most comfortable, because we tend not to think about them. They simply ‘happen’ of their own accord. But what about those things we enjoy doing? Are those obsessions? Well even when we do them again and again, I would say no - there is a difference between enjoyment, pleasure and obsession - even though most often they are utterly intermixed.

But then obsessions are not necessarily a bad thing; they give us drive and strong motivation. Yet they do pose a problem when they blanket our thoughts, words and actions. Perhaps we only need be mindful of what drives our next sentance, our next action, our next thought…

…intent, consideration…or automated unthinking obsession…

The Judgement of the Unobserved Silent

Posted on August 10, 2008
Filed Under Awareness, Fake Culture, Society | Leave a Comment

Silence, quietude…self-contained - these, for some people are traits. No, not virtues, oh no - nothing quite so highbrow - I am speaking of traits; those innate elements of an individual’s personality. Do you know many like this? The quiet type, you never really know what they are about or what they are doing - in fact they always seem to be doing something, yet there is nothing to see. Their work you see is a matter of passion - of deep inner drive. They don’t seek attention or praise, they don’t want to be held up high for all to see. Generally they talk very little about themselves.

They don’t erect any visible barriers, don’t hold aloof great signs which say ‘Look at what I do! This is me!’ This isn’t about meekness, or being humble - far from it. It is in fact down to a very simple principle; a matter of individuality. So different from the loud obnoxious or verbally proud types - the falsely perceived ’strong individuals’ - no, those types are making up for the inner turmoil they feel. They are seeking justification for their existence, demanding a cascade of material rewards, or esteemed attention, for it is this which they crave - it is nourishment for them. It is that which they need to sustain themselves. And yes - this type are as equally justified to their existence as anyone else upon this fair planet. Righteousness born from inner weakness after all is not a crime, and perhaps neither is it a flaw, at least none so more than any other trait.

Yet the loud, the obnoxious, the self-praised and the self-blessed - wear upon their cuff the mark of their inner world. Yes indeed, if only they could see that which is clear to all those but themselves. Enveloped as they are within a world of perpetual denial, the lies and half-lies - the twistings of words, concepts and notions - to which they hold secretly, yet vicariously, yet with pure unfettered will. The world is moved and transformed again and again if only to satiate their ever sensitive and precious ego. It is I state again and yes aloud - a matter of will. “Look! I am indeed this thing which I proclaim myself to be. I say again and again, and without bias or prejudice - without even a glance of self mockery (this Self cannot be mocked), and in so saying I mo(u)ld myself in my words. I am as I say I am!”

But then there is a common truth - most simple as all true truths are; actions speak louder than words. And oh, how many interpretations those words carry. Yes what, a prickly can of hornets - a real unwanted nest of dirty worms. I will say it louder then, yes; ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS.

Step back, perhaps close your mouth and watch me just as I watch you! Hear my words (no, don’t merely listen), as I hear your words. Yes words speak, words carry, words transform…

…words illuminate…

…words set free…

…words bind…

…words are nothing…everything…nothing and yes again, everything…

Words bely the minds behind them. What then do words show in the absence of action? When you speak and tell, but do not do? The mind carries outwards, it falls from the mouth from the eyes, and lands upon your lap and yet you do not notice, it is there for all to see who have a mind to do so (have a mind hehe).

And turn the notion about - look backwards, or sideways, or sidelong - whichever suits - and glance again at that phrase. What do actions say in the absence words? When someone does but does not say. When one achieves but does not display. When one puts up a mighty work of art, doing so in silence with nary a word. What do such actions say in the absence of words?

Meekness, humbleness? No - nothing so crass; look away and guess again. And guess and guess and guess…

…The joke is of a most snide hilarity, for though you may guess (and guess, and guess) you do not think to ask! What then do actions show when there are no words? Why - they show there is room for words - most assuredly, most certainly - ask, and ask again. After all, questions arise from the simplest cleanest of minds, questions drive us forward - ever onwards. Whilst answers (and most certainly assumed answers) drive us ever down, into a bog of ignorance and ultimately denial (I speak and speak and tell my words) why yes - your answers point to you, and thus the error is uncovered most astudiously, if only you are wont to look.

Follow that thought - don’t search for why I spoke it, don’t search for answers, don’t search for reasons (indeed all these are hanging on your cuff). You speak (no not you, but you) and you show yourself, when you assume you are looking in the mirror - but no, let’s not think on that, easier the road of self-denial, easier by far to reshape the entire world - if only to fit your assumed words. Better to guess and guess and guess.

Oh dear, enough! From whence do these guesses come from?

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