What it isn’t…

Posted on August 2, 2008
Filed Under Society |

As I watch the comings and goings of both society and individuals, I keep asking myself the same question; ‘Are our expectations too high?’ Again and again one very simply thing leads me to this question; the fact so many people are always looking for the absence of things - for what something or someone isn’t. Now, this isn’t about simply having a negative point of view on life - after all possessing a negative frame of mind is as equally valid as possessing a positive one isn’t it? By negative I am meaning cynical. No, this attitude of ‘high expectations’ appears to me to be something quite different. It’s about dragging things down…

Next time you have a newspaper take a long hard look at the headlines (actually you won’t need to look very long), and you will see that the paper uses just a few words to convey a certain idea. These headlines put a spin on a story - they frame it within a certain context. Often when you read the story you discover it has very little bearing on the initial impression the grandiose headlines gave. Yet for many people that initial impression sticks.

This is very similar to a neuro-linguistic programming technique called ‘reframing’, which is all about changing the context in which we perceive things. We all know that most of life is about our state of mind; that from moment to moment we can look at the same thing in many different ways. Wikipedia uses the following quote:

For example, if a person is resting in bed and hears his bedroom door open, that exact same noise will have two totally different meanings to him and evoke drastically different reactions depending on whether (1) he is alone in a locked house, or (2) he had previously invited his friend over and left the back door to his house unlocked.

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If we perceive something as a liability, that’s the message we deliver to our brain. Then the brain produces states that make it a reality. If we change our frame of reference by looking at the same situation from a different point of view, we can change the way we respond in life. We can change our representation or perception about anything and in a moment change our states and behaviors. This is what reframing is all about.

So as I mentioned, we see it all the time in the media - and it is also present in many other places. It is actually a favoured tool of the so called ‘critic’. Well actually there are at least two types of critic, let’s talk about the first type. The ‘common critic’ reframes the thing they are analysing to bring it within the scope of their personal frame of mind. In short, this sort of ‘critic’ has an unyielding and unmoveable mind…instead they move everything around them in order to fit it within their own personal perspective. Now this doesn’t only apply to the ‘critic’ but also to the media in general, as well as politics, corporate policies and unfortunately a great many individuals. The words ‘rigid’, ‘inflexible’ and ’short-sighted’ come to mind don’t they?

Now, the other type of critic is one who reframes their own mind in order to adapt to what they are analysing. This sort of critic is - to me - a ‘true critic’. They have a flexible mind. They don’t talk of something in terms of what it isn’t, or how this or that dialogue or scene should have been changed. They rarely mention anything in terms of failure, or ‘flawed characterisation’. Instead they talk in very different terms, often seeing a larger picture. They see that everything is inter-related, that each element of a structure is a part of a vast tapestry. They look for the whole as opposed to faulting the component. And if that ‘whole’ doesn’t gel, they will say so. On the other hand, the greater extent to which the components gel - the better the overall whole will be. The critic who understands this, is the only type worth reading.

So what does this have to do with ‘high expectations’? Well the problem is that people have high expectations of the ‘component’. They are more interested in what someone does, or how they appear - as opposed to what they achieve and what they do. Politicians have fantastic skill with this; they tell you one thing, then do another. Mostly people pay attention to the words. And on those occasions people do discover the politicians problematic actions? Well, it’s all very simple - the politician simply offers more words. You see - people are hooked on ‘components’! They snatch up these components like bait and then they get reeled in. Mostly people have high expectations towards the quality of the bait (components), and when it doesn’t measure up - suddenly things aren’t so good.

In the end, this topic can’t simply be summed up in a few words. I can’t make it into a sound-bite, or a component. But I can round off the point I am making. Some people want to change the world to fit their personal perspective, whilst others have a more dynamic personal perspective which changes from moment to moment, and situation to situation.