Worrying about what Other People Think?

Posted on February 23, 2008
Filed Under Awareness |

As a society, we are largely self-policing, most people obey and follow the traditional rules of etiquette which society demands of us. It’s still fairly rare for the average Joe to publically admit they believe in something unusual, or act in a manner considered ‘taboo’. And we all know why this is - or at least we think we do; it comes down to ridicule, persecution and self-esteem.

We worry about what other people think, and thus we police ourselves - we dare not tread too far off the conventionally paths or else we risk facing all manner of problems. This is especially true of family and in the workplace (everyone knows a weirdo! But are they really weird, or just different)? The truth of the matter is that it is all about conformity.

Many people are so worried about conforming to other people’s expectations that they fail to realize that other people are also worrying about the same thing. There is a line of reasoning however which suggests that this mode of thinking has its benefits, because it helps keep us on the straight and narrow. And after all, society does require conformity in order to function.

It’s interesting, because both schools and churches encourage conformity. If you are naughty you are punished, if you commit a sin you go to hell - and so on. What is happening here is that these institutions are causing the individual to look outside of themselves to a ‘higher power’ to find answers. Many people have this need residing deeply within them to find validation from external sources. That seems to be something many people never grow out off. The idea that ‘higher authorities know best’ is introduced in childhood and remains ever present for pretty much the rest of life.

We worry about what other people think of us, because that is exactly what we are conditioned to do. Parents teach it, as do schools, churches and workplaces. And so we don’t really think for ourselves, instead we are more concerned with what others are thinking. This is good for the institutions because it places them above us in the hierarchy. It means we look up to them and in turn they then feel needed. I call this the ‘mother complex’. She wants to control her kids, and the kids need to feel validated. So on the surface it is a good exchange.

On closer inspection though it is a bum-deal…it sows insecurities on both sides of the fence. The authority is perpetually in fear that their children will become too independent and leave home (making the authority redundant), meanwhile the children are forever worrying about what their mother (everyone else) is thinking. What this means is that no-one is actually looking at themselves. Purely and simply it is self-evasion.

It is far easier to find fault with others, than it is to look at ourselves. So because we know that we are looking at other people with a critical eye, we know that they must be looking at us with a critical eye.

The eye looks ever outwards.

Our insecurities are a function of our ‘inner-eye’. The inner-eye is a sense beyond the traditional six physical senses (sight, sound, smell, touch, taste…and balance - for some reason everyone seems to forget that last one), where as the six physical senses respond to the outer world, the inner senses report to about the inner world. But as our physical senses are so overwhelming we spend 99% of our time concerned with what they report - which of course means we worry about others.

So our insecurities are a function of our inner-eye - this means that we can learn and respond to what is being reported about our inner condition. This puts a different spin our our insecurities; they can be used as a tool rather than feared or ignored. Of course the self-evasion would suggest otherwise, and that we are better spending our time convincing other people that we are worthy.

The trick to stop worrying about what other people think, isn’t in ignoring them - but rather in stopping ignoring yourself. Dig deep and ask yourself what you really want; it almost certainly will be something much more vital than recognition from others…

Comments

2 Responses to “Worrying about what Other People Think?”

Tracey Rissik on February 27th, 2008 4:35 pm

Thanks for an enlightening view on things - I’ve gone for too many years worrying about how I am perceived, and stressing if I think I’m not good enough … for “them”. Through a lot of self-development, life coaching, reading, reiki and other things, I’m in the happy situation where I AM beginning to care less! My well-being is my most important function, and I would do well to remember it more than I have done

Articles like this are great for getting people to think about our willingness to conform from a completely different viewpoint, and I commend you!

Regards,
Tracey
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jake on February 28th, 2008 5:22 am

from my own experience, worrying what other people think caused me to distance further from others. The act of worrying what others think is in effect trying to think for other people, so ultimately you are judging yourself. How could you even know what others think - so why worry about it.

I have found a similar effect in other types of relationships and human interaction. Essentially, be happy with yourself in everything you do, and others will be happy with you to. This should be easy if you are following the right path……….

For example - I used to stare at myself in the mirror wondering if women find me attractive. Then I would pick myself apart until I was effectively no longer attractive. I would act stupid to avoid rejection, because I was afraid they wouldn’t find me attractive. The bottom line is, yes they did find me attractive, but because I worried myself into thinking they wouldn’t, I had essentially made myself unattractive to them.
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